Growing up and maturing

I find myself questioning my behaviour again. I re-discovered how poorly I react to rudeness, especially from strangers. It makes me see red. The thing about being mature grown up is to control one's behaviour to get the desired reaction from the other person. Yeah, I know that but it is so hard to practice it.

If I had my way, I would have driven to this retired Colonel's office, slapped him, kicked him in the groin for added effect and come back calm and composed, ready for a soothing cup of coffee. Instead, I spoke to him politely despite seething inside, took a cup of coffee and sat down to write this blogpost. Hey, maybe I did grow up!

An arranged marriage

If you are not a virgin, shut your mouth and don’t let him know. Just tell yourself and him that you have never smoked a cigarette, never gotten high on weed, never fancied another man. You were born just to wait for a man like him to wed you. That’s your life. That’s an Indian girl’s life. Happy arranged marriage darling. You know we love you and we will make you the best of who he deserves.

Matchmaker

My galpal, who seems to be having a blast since she got married to her boyfriend, is now spreading the word among her hubby’s single friends that I’m available. The guy she got me in touch with is 6’2”, goodlooking, funloving, successful software engineer, and a rich guy. I wonder if there’s something wrong with him. He’s too good a catch to be single. Does he like short, plump girls like me? Especially if they are a just a wee bit older than him? *sigh*

A perfect plan

On a dull day like today, I usually find myself thinking of my great (read brilliant) plans. One plan that could have worked well if I wasn’t so lazy or understood basic mathematics. One brilliant plan was to prepare for GMAT with Dr. A, cheat from his answer sheet, we both get selected into ISB and we live happily together and passout with fantastic jobs that pays us an unimaginably large salary and we build the perfect party house for us to bring home our boyfriends.

The reality remains that he’s jealous of the fact that I have decent working hours and weekends to myself and I try and keep his large salary package out of my mind.

It was a good dream anyway.

Gravitational pull of lethargy

It is one of those days when I cannot seem to feel anything. It feels like my body has found sudden affinity for gravity and is pulling me down and inside the core of the Earth. I’m not depressed or low even. The fact is that I am actually thrilled to know how at an important international publishing conference my boss spoke highly of my contribution and even had my photo shown on the screen. It means a lot to know that my work is being acknowledged especially when the person from whom I was supposed to learn the trade was fired 10 days after I joined and I had to figure out everything with little help from others. No I am happy and yet I cannot feel the lightness of joy right now.

It seems that all women around are feeling the same. My female colleagues are feeling the lethargy right to their bones. All of have spoken of taking a day of at work at one point or another. God knows what the matter is with all of us. I was thinking that it might have something to do with planetary positions (being an astrologer, it’s usually my first thought) but now I’m considering the possibility that there may be some virus that’s affecting anyone with XX chromosome (that’s the imaginative part of me thinking so).

However, this day is perfect to hold my big lovable Cookie and sleep off the lethargy…

Locking away a secret

It’s so hard to keep a secret sometimes. I am trying hard not to let my close friends know that I am so close to getting married. Married. There, I said it. A word that I abhorred when I was younger and now look forward to. Does it unnerve most people like it does me?

Most of my close friends were eager to get married to their present spouses. Some were love marriages but others were arranged marriages where my friends knew that they were ready to commit. I have been standing on the sideline unable to make up my mind for so long that it scares to think what will ensue from my decision. No matter what decision I take. Will I regret rejecting a man who seems to have the qualities that I have been looking for just because I don’t know him well enough to put my fears to rest? Do we ever know a person well enough? Or will I regret my decision to marry him just because I liked what I saw and it “felt” right to me at that time. I guess the only way to know the answer is to make a decision and go through with it.

And I have to keep it a secret till I come close to getting engaged. It's no use discussing something that may not materialise afterall. Besides, I have already seen how Dr. A, my best gay friend, behaved when he thought I was going away from him forever once before. I wouldn't want to be ignored by him while he gathers the strength to accept the fact that I will not be with him forever.

I’m keeping my fingers crossed and my heart strong in the meanwhile. This Pandora has locked a trouble by blogging anonymously.

Shiny new toys

I have been a good girl lately. Paid my bills on time, made investments and saved a moolah that I would have spent anyway, upgraded my wardrobe like mom and Tinkerbell wanted me to and hence I gifted myself a couple of things that I really wanted---a beautiful blue sapphire ring and an awesome Samsung Jet 2. They made quite a dent in my pocket but well don’t we earn to spend?

Of course I’ve felt guilty looking at my Nokia 7210 which is in perfect working order and bought just to end my “unreasonable” desire to buy expensive phones. I could not help it this time. I saw some shiny new phones and I lost my will to hold myself off the phone binge. I shelled out pretty pennies for a phone that’s oh so cool and retired my Nokia to a drawer where I would not have to look at it.

Come to think of it, the effect a shiny new gadget has on me is a lot stronger than when I see a hot guy. I mean, I still think a few seconds before drooling and obsessing about good-looking men but gadgets have me instantly. It’s almost a sexual attraction. No. I’m not kidding.

Mom and dad don’t understand my fixation with gadgets and books but thankfully they don’t interfere with my decisions. Tinkerbell on the other hand plays mind games that totally messes up my mind. She coaxed and convinced me to buying the phone saying “it’s super cool. Go for it. Listen to your heart. In fact I think I might just buy one myself!” and then when I bought it, she says “well, it’s pretty cool but I wouldn’t spend so much on a phone, you know?” No. I didn’t know.

So I’m ignoring the mild pinch I feel in my heart even now and telling myself that it’s an investment worth making since I do use my phones pretty well and often for things other than making and receiving calls---photography, for instance.

I’ve spent most of the battery just playing with the phone and figuring it out and having a blast doing so. I love how tenacious I get when I have to figure out all the functions in a new phone. Now if only I had the same tenacity towards other things in my life, life would be so much better. But let me not think about it. It’s time to play with the wonderful touchscreen.